all this time i thought the red carpet was a real rug

i remember when i was a kid, i would lay on the couch with my mother watching the emmys, and the grammys. i told her i wanted to walk on that soft red carpet in front of the world someday. she would always respond the same, “you will honey.” as i walked in to the celebrity charity event in california, i looked around at all these beautiful people, dressed nice, the girls were all stunning, the guys were buzzing around like, well, like boys do. i didn’t notice any rug fibers on the red carpet, but i did in fact notice that i was quickly reminded of my childhood, as i could only correlate my intentions to rip my clothes off and go flying down this long slip and slide, isnt that what is was called? you just plugged in the water hose, run full speed, and dive. wait, diving is over rated, and i have issues with diving into shallow areas. ok, who needs water when they put the apprentice girl in front of me. hmmm, should i walk, run, slowly prance, or should i just dance? i chose to dance, as my nervous most confident self does weird stuff like this. i danced as if no one was watching, my eyes closed, although peeking out to make sure the cute girl was paying attention, and of course i was breathing every moment in. i know your laughing at my dancing mom, but you always have told me to dance when happy. 45 years later im dancing on a red slip and slide, it was my own grammy moment i guess.

I literally saw the life leave your eyes

i suppose there are many things we experience in our daily lives that insist we simply notice. i have spent the last 5 years of my life sharing my musical journey with many, actually millions of people. i often wonder who is looking in far enough to notice the real things that transpire into my typical day of life. nope, not the way my fingers seem to make musical composition, not the smile that usually fills my entire happy face, and certainly not the silly expressions that seemingly represent the life of a crazy pirate. wearing ones heart strings on your most vulnerable sleeve seems to define our most emotional expressions, although, who would imagine someone looking in closely enough to actually notice the change in my expression by simply looking into the real color of my eyes. my mother has told me since childhood that i have a most colorful way of expressing my happiness through my eyes. i would imagine this is a most accurate statement, as my mother truly knows her son. we often forget about these items that others notice in us, even when so minute, we fail to realize someone else may in fact remind you, that they noticed a change in your color! i suppose there are many things that will continue to shape the expression of color that is displayed through my eyes, and i invite these most wonderful moments, and although these moments dont seem to come about often, i say thank you for looking in, you actually noticed! my eyes shine blue today, please know i am grateful that you would take a moment to notice the change in my color!

a hefty price tag

i sat watching the camera crew buzzing around, setting things up, bright lights, lots of chords and wires everywhere. it almost seemed a bit surreal, and then i heard a voice, “ok, we are ready for you derek.” as they slipped me into the mri tube, i kept wondering if i would get to see the results with the doctor before anyone else, as i wasn’t sure as to how my reaction would be in front of the cameras, and unfamiliar people at the mayo clinic surrounding me. i leaned over to the doctor, as i had this immediate bond with him from the moment we met. “hey doc, are thy going to tell me the results of my brain scans before we start filming”? im not sure derek, he said. im not sure if i want to even know the results doc. he said, i completely understand derek. we made our way from the x-ray area back to the other side of the hospital, where there was an area that was blocked off for filming interviews and stuff. i was quite nervous to film the results of my brain scans. again, i leaned over to the doc, “doc, if theres a big tumor or something weird going on, would you please just say while filming this next section, “that everything looks great.”  when capturing a moment for film, it is suggested that discussions in reference should be left alone until cameras are rolling, in hopes to capture the truest moment and reaction. at this point my nerves were frazzled, and i knew that in about 12 minutes, i was about to hear the results of my tests in front of not only people i didn’t really know, but my reaction would be displayed to millions of people. i couldn’t keep my fingers from composing music, as this seems to amplify when im nervous. the cameras began rolling, the lights were in my face, and then, there it was, my brain in hundreds of different dimensions. my eyes got wide, as it seemed strange to look at my own brain in shapes i had never seen before. wow, this is really cool i said to the doc. it was my nervous voice, basically saying “say its all good doc.” we were sitting very close to each other while preparing to go through the results. close enough to were i could actually feel energy from the doc. before he began to disect the images in real words to me, there was this very intense quiet moment, although it was probably only 2 seconds, it seemed like ten minutes. i looked directly into the dr’s eyes, and without saying a word, there was this moment of comfort. it was that “your ok” moment that simply radiated from the dr. you see these bright spots, there are five of them, he said. i looked closely, they looked like little shiny stars in my brain. it was damaged areas from the many head traumas i have had throughout my life, mostly from sports injuries growing up, as this was my seventh concussion. lets keep an eye on these areas he said to me. i said, on the shiny little star things? he laughed at me as i could feel the tension in the room began to lighten, as i think everyone was kind of nervous to have to watch me get the results. we can try and medicate you with anti seizure medication to possibly help slow down the constant stimulation, as your brain is composing music at a pace that is unheard of, and i know this must be tiring and overwhelming for you derek. so, im not dying, and there’s no signs of a grapefruit sized tumor in my brain doc? you are seemingly a healthy guy, as he laughed at my nervous excitement. although, there is a hefty price tag that comes with this gift. your hearing has depleted, your body seems to react to fluorescent lighting, and the seizures are a concern. you will need to pay close attention to these items as you adjust to this new experience. and thats it i asked? that’s the price tag of my new gift? dr smiled at me. i leaned over in hopes that no one would hear me. hey doc. thank you. for what derek? for that 2 second moment we had before starting to film. i felt your eyes telling me i was ok. your welcome derek.

“can’t seem to pull you in”

as i was sitting here in the studio, i noticed a familiar rush that filled  my mind. it seems that i am making music composition at a pace that actually gets me to the point where i get literally sick, hard to explain. i was asked by the media in a interview to play or compose something i have never played before. oh, this excites me, as it’s as if my mind says ” im so glad you asked.? then they said, “if you were to play something that represented your relationship status, what would it be.?” i said, wow, thats a handful, but, lets just see what happens. i told them, this a great opportunity   to show you how i write with several instruments.” he said, “what do yo mean?” well, hold on, as i started to gather guitars, and other instruments that Gerry at Doghouse music studios makes sure are at my beckon call, wait, let me tune this i said, he watched me as i was some kid in a candy store. “your going to actually compose all instruments as we sit here?” i said, well ya, how else would i do it, it’s just me and six fingers” he laughed at me. i want this song to represent the voice of the last female speaking into my ear, as her question ” so where are you now” echoed in my head. this is what i hear when someone asks me about my relationship status! the music began, and the words to it seemingly fit the very first time around as i made no adjustments to the song, it was a one take recording. are you involved he said? i was like, huh? are you currently involved again he said? with what i answered. with a girl he responded. no you silly bird, im involved with life. what do you mean he asked. cmon man, this is my life were talking about. there are three things that i am involved in. my children, my mother, and fly fishing. did you think i was referring to a girl i asked him? well, kind of. let me tell you about girls, sit down, and i will tell you in a musical story. he sat patiently as i tuned up. as i played this piece, “can’t seem to pull you in” he started to tear up. i asked him what was the matter and if i had upset him? he said, you just explained my relationship without even glimpsing. how do you make life seem so matter of fact in your work at a instance, he asked. oh, this is nothing, you should join me when i have more than 10 seconds to display my emotional color in music, it’s really quite fun. he smiled, i played.

my peace with the water

when we experience an accident, head trauma, etc……theres that tiny moment of wonder immediately following. i recall the water violently pulling at me to keep me under. the healing process is something amazing. there were several moments of waking up from dreams of struggle to make my way to the surface. i remember my son trembling in his sleep shortly after his car accident, later to be explained as rolling in his vehicle being thrown throughout. i would hold him, as my mother held me after my accident. after journaling for the last five years since hitting my head, i realized i hadn’t had a dream since my dive into the pool, although i do remember the immediate dreams right after. i gave much thought to my emotional connection with water, as it seemingly has haunted me, go figure…… my brother brought home a new fly rod a couple years back. i didnt realize the importance of this gift, as it would insist i spend time learning the every move of each current. i spent countless hours on the water, hiking the trails, and simply examining every inch of this miraculous item. i was getting ready for a photo shoot for some promotional stuff, and i thought, we have to do something a bit different, as im not exactly the most photogenic person. i said to Lena, the photographer, “lets shoot on the river.” seriously, she asked me. it’s september, it looks like the water is cold. i said, it’s 38 degrees right now. sounds cold. really cold. this was my moment, as the arkansas river is a force of something beautiful. i jumped in the river, and the idea was to get photos of me on my back floating down the river under the bridge. i went away for a moment, the cold didnt matter, nothing did actually. i was staring up into the clouds, sunshine in my face, and the river was carefully mending my entire self as it gracefully carried me down stream.  im not sure how the mind overcomes such intense trauma, maybe it never goes away for some. since that moment in the water on my back, i began having dreams again. good ones! funny how a simple gift and a few pictures would heal my soul from a silly diving accident! today, i find peace on the water, as most of my free time is spent fly fishing with my son  alex, and brother dino.

this is me

as i close this most amazing year of life, i can’t express my most sincere thanks enough to all of you that have supported my dreams, my efforts, and for simply allowing me to share my passion to make a difference. if you are just now learning of my story, i invite you into my life! 5 years ago, i hit my head and suffered a brain injury that would become a most miraculous gift. i lost almost half of my hearing in my left ear from the impact, and my memory would be challenged daily. i have very intense headaches more often than needed, i seem to be affected by fluorescent lighting that can collapse my body at any given time, my sleeping patterns are ridiculous as my mind races with musical composition 24 hours a day, and all of these items seem to be such a small price to pay, as this gift of enormous magnitude has become my vehicle to reach out and in hopes to inspire many! i have had the opportunity to perform on the same stage with the legendary jazz great Stanley Jordan, i have shared the piano keys with the beautiful autistic musical mind of Tony DeBlois, i had the chance to share some time with autistic and profound savant Rex Lewis, i have filmed with the discovery science channel for the new series “ingenious minds”, i walked the journey quest with Nate Jorgenson, and the list goes on for another many miles of pure joy. the title of savant and musical genius is something that takes a long time to soak into ones mind when a title of such is given, and although humbled by all of this, i am still that typical kid from the midwest that walks around in jeans and a baseball cap everyday. as i prepare for a most exciting new year, i can’t but help look back at the many memories that have shaped the very me, as i understand that this musical gift could disappear at any given moment, therefor insisting i make every single day my best life. i live in the moment, and this experience of musical discovery has simply become a vehicle to share my passion for life. when i went home this year to visit my family, i had the opportunity to share my time with many, although there is one person that made me truly see life. as i sat and watched a 17,000 dollar bag of poison drip into her body to assist her fight to live, i felt my soul screaming to somehow carry this beautiful person to health. shortly after my time with tracy, i received a phone call telling me of this charity event that was simply right up my alley. amazing how this process works. anyways, i am now preparing to participate in the Reality Rally Charity event in Temecula, California with 100 other celebrities that will raise money for breast cancer, and i am so excited to meet Gillian whom is the founder, and of course her presence on the reality show Survivor has inspired me in many ways. there is something very special happening here in my world, and it’s not being called a savant, a musical genius, and one in 7 billion that makes this all possible. i have a dream, i have a passion to share life, all becoming a reality because of YOU! There is a link to the Reality Rally Charity event here on my page, if in fact you wish to join me on this amazing journey, i ask of your help once again, and know this, i appreciate your unconditional friendship, support, and for you to take time out of your life to simply look into mine is beyond amazing. as i float away on these clouds that will carry me to my next venture, i hope you truly know that you have inspired me to be the best man possible each and everyday. happy new year to you, i wish you amazing! i am derek!

the 17 inch german

I think my eyes get smaller on the river, it’s weird. I have always failed to bring a real tape measure along in my vest, as it’s usually stuffed with peanut butter sandwiches, a bottle of water, sometimes kool aid, a knife, flies, and a bandaid. “I have moby dick on the line” alex hollers and of course that gets me riled up, as his fly rod is bending towards the water. We always seem to run towards each other in the water when the other catches a fish, almost a reassurance of visual size. Holy cow, I usually say. Alex screams, “it’s a 17 inch german” as he pokes his chest out. I dial dino to tell him the news, I know right, who makes a call when standing in the river waist deep? Every single time, I get the same response from my brother, that’s a pretty big german, followed by, probably about 14 inches from the picture. And I with the same response, weird, seemed bigger. I’ll call ya back. Hurrying to get my line in the water, im one behind. How big do you think that fish was dad? I said, probably around 17 inches son. Going back and forth with river banter, alex and I always laugh about the size of the fish. I suppose carrying a tape measure would confirm the true size of those whoppers. I don’t have room in my vest for a tape measure anyways.

Dear God,

i was watching dr. phil the other day, when a husband made the comment “i will never be second to anyone.” to his wife. i think he was referring to you, as his wife seemed to simply invite you into her life. i guess i never looked at it that way. as a proud christian kid, i feel so lucky that you allow me to call upon you, and during the many discussions we have daily, you always have very little to say, i suppose that’s what makes you such a good listener! i wanted to address a few things, and just haven’t made the time, as my schedule has changed, and things are pretty busy, i know, lame excuse, but i am free for a moment, so i thought i would try and catch you early before your day begins with everyone else’s issues, challenges, etc…… i am really enjoying my new career, and i thank you for picking me to share this magnificent journey with as many as i can touch! it’s been kind of challenging to be honest. you know, when i first discovered these new hidden talents just 5 years ago, i had no idea what would come my way, and you know me, i will take on any challenge, any! i believe the challenges during the first 3 years of this new journey was simply to prepare me for what was about to transpire into something amazingly beautiful. i wasn’t so fond of the financial struggles, as when i left my regular job to pursue my “real” purpose, my selfish decisions to pour every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears into this project affected many people. my children of course have been my inspiration, and i have tried so hard to be a wonderful loving father, which i believe i have done, and will continue to do so. i have survived basically on nothing for the last 5 years, as things just don’t happen over night. i keep telling my family and friends, “don’t worry, this new job will come to fruition.” i have stayed focused, as i am aware of the challenges that come with chasing dreams. i have somehow made every moment feel as if i was gaining ground, which indeed has happened, of course with the support from my family and friends, and your continued forward push to make me want to be the best at my craft! i have spent numerous hours giving my time to homeless, autistic children, and a growing list of charitable organizations that i adore. i guess that’s where i find my peace, giving back, and simply sharing life. the monetary issues seem to finally be working themselves out, although a bit slower than i expected, but hey, even you needed a few days to put this place together. my new job has allowed me to find something very special, and it’s not the great food they feed me while traveling, it’s not the paycheck i get for sharing my work, it’s not all the pretty girls i get to meet, and it’s certainly not a big fat ego that usually comes with this kind of job. it’s simply having the opportunity to make a difference. i knew when i was a child you had something great for me planned, but i never expected this, wow, i can honestly say i love my purpose, so, thanks again! my typing is slow, and i have several emails to return this morning, i just wanted to let you know how grateful i am and let you know i will forever feel blessed that you have carried me through the challenging times, and given me the strength and courage to adjust to this new journey. oh, and it sure would be nice if you could get a cell phone, i could put you on speed dial for those immediate needed moments. thanks for listening, and i love you!

the beautiful tony D!

 

The Arc of Hope for Haiti Charity event was fantastic. The Journey Museum has this magnificent theater room where I will be performing tonight. Jill has this great charisma and certainly lights up a room!  My daughter Sydney is traveling with me and she has brought a friend along for the trip. I have met some really wonderful people here. travis and jennifer are outstanding people, not to mention wonderful musicians, this guy can sing, actually, they both can! i got to spend the evening with some new friends at a separate charity event and got to meet tom martin, another amazing individual. i stayed the night with trish and D in their stunning home, i really didn’t want to leave, as they have become such wonderful friends. my life would take another crazy turn today. as i walked up to the venue, i passed a blind guy walking with his mother. i told my daughter, he must be a musician, he had a piano tie on. a few hrs passed by as i was getting ready in the green room. a woman asked if i would take a moment so she could introduce me to her son. as i walked out to say hello, it was the blind guy i had passed earlier in the day.   i looked closely, and i said i know you. i had felt as this hot flash feeling thing was about to knock me to my knees. for some reason tears began to roll down my face. i had this immediate connection with one of the most gifted people on this planet. i forever thank you janice! your son has become someone very special in my life. the blind guy I passed by is now my dear friend, my inspiration, and i look forward to sharing life with you Tony! Tony DeBlois is blind, autistic, and is a berkley school of music graduate. Tony plays 22 instruments. but more than that, his soul is pure with joy!

never coming down from my tree house

Sometimes I find these secret places, well, maybe not so secret as im sure other children have discovered this little place. The grass for some reason has this  neonic glow to it, seriously, like the grass in some fairy tale setting, I keep thinking gnome for some reason. My first visit down to this secret spot was with alex. He said check it out down there dad, I looked at the steep incline with my knees begging me  to not even consider. Well ya I said, lets go check it out. We had our fly rods with us of course. As alex was casting, I found it necessary to investigate, looking for gnomes of course. Look at  this tree alex, it just keeps going. Of course I had to climb this tree, it was the perfect climbing tree. Got way up the tree, seems like getting up there was much easier than my attempt downward. Alex screams at  me, I got one dad, I said hold on reaching for my video camera. Ouch, I said, he laughed at me as the climb down was definitely entertaining, especially when there’s a trout on the line. Alex caught the fish,  and I had a few scratches from  my tree climbing. Alex said, this is a cool  place, something different about  it. I agreed. I’ve been back there several times, i always seem to catch  a fish in that same spot, and always seem to take the exact same steps alex and I took from that first walk out there. There are no gnomes to be found so far, keeps me going back to look, each time wanting to climb that tree. Kinda funny how we set landmarks as reminders of the moments in life we treasure. I should have carved a “B” in it. I hope you find a tree to climb!